June 16, 2025

Spreading Compassion, One Act of Kindness at a Time

When a loved one is in the final days of their life, small, compassionate gestures can make all the difference during a difficult time. Playing your loved one’s favourite music on a wireless speaker, sharing stories about their life and experiences, or coordinating a final visit from a beloved pet are just a few examples of how the 3 Wishes Project at St. Joseph’s Healthcare Hamilton employs a personalized approach to end-of-life care. 

By supporting the families of dying patients in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) and celebrating their loved ones’ lives, acceptance and peace can help to ease the pain of grief and loss. St. Joe’s clinician-scientist and world-renowned critical care physician, Dr. Deborah Cook, first introduced this initiative in the Hospital’s ICU in 2013, bringing it to life with a team of physicians, nurses, respiratory therapists, chaplains and other ICU staff. Since then, this intentional approach to end-of-life care has been studied and spread to many settings within and beyond the hospital, and to centres around the world. 

Danette’s Story 

Danette Sokoloski was one of the first few family members to experience the 3 Wishes Project and now she’s a dedicated volunteer for the program. Let us take you back to 2013 when Danette’s son, Paul, ended up in the ICU for five days. The ICU team gave Danette and her family the time and space to be by his side for as long as they needed to before saying goodbye. Danette says she was grateful for their efforts to learn more about her son, his life and experiences, which included a love of art, the outdoors, and his sister Deanna.  

The Sokoloski family.

“Their kindness, and how they made us feel, brought such comfort. I really wanted his legacy and memory to endure, so I wanted to do something to give other families in the ICU some of that comfort, too. And I know Paul would be so proud of that,” said Danette.  

Since 2017, Danette, who is an avid knitter and a talented seamstress, has continued to provide the 3 Wishes Project with handmade brightly-coloured fleece blankets for loved ones and their families in the ICU. That’s also the year she walked the Around the Bay Road Race while raising funds for the 3 Wishes Project alongside Dr. Cook and other ICU staffers. It’s become a tradition ever since.  

One of Danette’s handmade fleece blankets.

At this year’s Bay Race, Danette, France Clark, Dr. Cook, and many colleagues, families and friends joined Team 3 Wishes to raise awareness and fundraise for the 3 Wishes Project. They were our top St. Joe’s staff fundraising team, raising an incredible $30,000 for this important program. 

Lori’s Story 

Lori Graf’s way of giving back to St. Joe’s is slightly different than Danette’s, but her fondness for the ICU team and the 3 Wishes Project are inspired by similar experiences. After Joe, her high school sweetheart and husband of 44 years, passed away in palliative care from complications of Parkinson’s disease, Lori was grateful to the 3 Wishes team for being there for her and her family during such a difficult time.  

Joe and Lori Graf.

“Even though he wasn’t awake, they used to always talk to him and encouraged us to sing to him and play music for him. We felt like we were being taken care of, not just sitting there and watching him fade away,” said Lori. “When he passed away, they did the most amazing thing. My daughter and I brainstormed words that reminded us of him, and they developed a word cloud for us. We displayed it at his memorial, and it raised so many memories for us. It was just incredible. I knew I had to help continue their special work in some way.” 

An artist and friend of Lori’s named Anita loved to create decorative angel pins out of sea glass and was interested in donating them somewhere. And Lori had an inspirational idea for these mementos. Lori sorts through the stones and glass looking for perfect pairs of wings, while Anita creates the final angelic pins. Lori put Anita in touch with the 3 Wishes Project to see if they might be interested in providing the jeweled pins to families of dying patients – and they were. The pins have made their way even further into the Hospital and are offered to mothers in our Labour and Delivery unit who have experienced a pregnancy loss or the loss of their newborn child.  

Anita and her angelic pins.

For many families and community volunteers like Danette and Lori, a familiar face and connection to the 3 Wishes Project has been France Clarke, St. Joe’s ICU Research Coordinator and 3 Wishes Project Coordinator. France says that it’s vital to honour everyone involved during such a challenging time. 

“We want to honour and dignify the lives of our dying patients, as well as the loved ones who walk beside them every step of the way,” said France. “We’ve been fortunate to witness the profound impact of the 3 Wishes Project, and how its spirit has touched so many of our families. Many have become volunteers and ambassadors of compassion at St. Joe’s, shaping the way care is delivered across our Hospital. Together, they’ve become our community of compassion.”  

St. Joseph’s Healthcare Foundation is proud to have supported the 3 Wishes Project with more than $148,000 in funds raised to date. If you would like to support staff in their compassionate end-of-life care to our dying patients and their families, consider making a gift to the 3 Wishes Project: Support the 3 Wishes Project